Confession of a Christian

Here it is:  I am an amazing Christian.

That’s it. I am. I am truly one of the best Christians I know.

I can tell you the Gospel story from birth to ascension.  I can tell you the parables and teachings Jesus spoke. I can tell you that Jesus said to love God and people and what that looks like.  I can break down Pauline teachings and how Jesus built His Church on the rock, Peter.  I can tell you what the model for building genuine gospel-centered community should look like.  I can tell you the flaws in both “institutional” and “organic” church.  I can tell you what it looks like to succeed in ministry and what it takes to fail in it.  I can tell you what you need to do to be an amazing husband, father, brother and friend.  I can counsel the crap out of you if you are struggling at work, in marriage, as a parent, in your devotional life, prayer life or even thug life (heh, just kidding, I’m gangsta, not thug).  I’ve read enough books on church planting I could probably; no…definitely, help you develop a strategic plan for launching a church.  I can even tell you what’s wrong with all the other “Christians”.  You know the ones.  The ones that hate gays, or liberals, or abortion supporters, or Muslims, or atheists. The Christians that aren't me.  I can break down scripture so you can understand it and even apply it to you life. I can teach, preach (not amazing at this yet, but getting there), lead a small group and disciple people. While all or some of that may seem pretty intense or difficult, for me it comes pretty easy.  Pretty amazing, right.

I should probably explain.

Over the last 6 months or so, God has been really challenging my heart on some stuff.  It’s been pretty heavy, paradigm shifting stuff and I couldn't exactly put all of it into context.  The stuff I did "get", I didn't exactly like what He was trying to get me to reconsider.  Then, last week, I began reading "Speaking ofJesus" by Carl Medearis. I'm only six chapters in, but God is already confirming a lot of stuff He's been saying.  Well, it's less like confirming and more like He's yelling, "Hey, stop ignoring Me and get on board with what I'm telling you!"

Here's the main thrust of what He's saying, "Being a Christian and following Jesus are not always the same thing. They're not always synonymous and most times, they're not even close."

Here's what that means, at least to my heart.

Medearis uses a quote given by author Donald Miller during an interview on a “secular” radio show.  The quote was Miller’s response to the question of why he wouldn't defend Christianity.  It was a great quote and long, but the gist of it was about the hurt people, throughout history, have caused in the name of Christianity (from the crusades to the inquisitions, the sexual abuse by Catholic priest to people simply being yelled at by a “Christian”).  He went on to say if you ask 10 random people what they think Christianity is, each would have a different answer.  Then he asked, “How do I defend a religion against 10 different ideas of what that religion is?” (I paraphrased)  Instead Miler opted to talk about Jesus, apart from Christianity.  When you present Jesus, without attachment to any institution, all you have is Him.  And when all you have is Jesus, you don’t have to defend anything, you just get to speak of your Lord and God, who loves you.

What God has been saying to me is Christianity (by itself) ≠ Follower of Jesus.

I’m positive it’s a right idea, but here’s my problem with it.  I’m good at being a Christian.  And if I’m honest, my real confession is…

I suck at following Jesus.

I’m not good at it.  I flat out fail Him on a continuous basis.  Sometimes I scream at my kids.  I deal harshly with my wife.  I often bring strife to my marriage instead of peace.  I hate my job and don’t appreciate it as a blessing.  I gossip.  Speak mean of others.  I’m sarcastic and often condescending towards coworkers.  I’m selfish.  I’m ungracious with others faults.  I hold grudges.  Occasionally a curse word slips out.  Sometimes, I read my bible out of duty, rather than to spend time with God.  I can be unforgiving.  I let fear and anger reside in my heart.  I point out other’s splinters, while looking pass the redwood in my eye.  Sometimes, I compare my small sin against other’s egregious sin, and then pridefully declare my righteousness.

It’s so much easier to DO Christianity, than to BE a follower of Jesus.

I want to change that.  I want to follow Jesus.  I want to follow Him unabated and unattached.  Just Him.

One of the things that holds me back is the fear of being labeled that, “Hippy, on the fringe, organic, crazy ‘Jesus’ guy”.  Maybe it’s an invalid fear, maybe it isn’t.  I’m comfortable in the “mainstream”, but I long for the not so mainstream.  It’s just, I believe in a lot of the aspects of mainstream (or what some call “institutional”) church.  I believe that churches like Mars Hill, New Spring, Community Christian, The Village, and my home church Element, are being used by God to reach the lost and the hurting and making disciples.  I also believe in a lot of aspects of not so mainstream (or what some call organic) church.  Frank Viola, Alan Hirsch and ministries like Verge Network are leading the way in community and movement and disciple making.  I’ve been a part of a ministry in which God allowed an amazing balance of organic structure.  But even that was a lot of DO and so little BE at times.

The other thing that’s been holding me back is the fear of not being good at it.  Failing Jesus, if you will.  I’m good at doing all the Christian things.  Most people would probably never peg me as a “mess”.  If I let all that go and just BE a follower of Jesus, I might (most likely WILL) mess it up.  The sad truth is I’m already a mess, so it's already not working out.  The better truth of it is, it doesn't matter that I'll fail, Jesus won't.  

To be clear, I’m not saying I don’t know or have Jesus.  I’m not even saying my heart is not being changed by Jesus.  It is.  But the process is slow going.  I have to believe the progress would be more substantial if I let go of all the peripheral “Christian” stuff and focused more on just Him.  Then I don’t have to defend anything.  I can just speak of Jesus and He’ll do all the rest.

I’m trying to figure out how to put all the junk away so I can just be with Him.  As always, comments or suggestions are welcome.  Maybe we should start a Christians Anonymous.

Hello, my name is Bruce and I’m a Christian.

Buying the House

I am currently in the process of buying the house that I currently rent.  First off…holy junk, I’m gonna be a HOME OWNER!!!  As I make the transition from renter to home owner I started thinking about how it applies to so many of us as Christians.  Here’s what I mean…

As a renter there is no real investment.  Your commitment to the house you live in is limited to the contract you signed.  You pay the rent you are obligated to pay, but beyond that you don’t have to commit anything else to it.  If the water heater goes out, it’s not yours, so you call the owner and they fix it.  Anything that breaks or needs attention outside of normal care taking isn’t your responsibility.  Eventually, when you no longer like the place, disagree on your commitment level or find something better, the contract allows you to simply walk away with no obligation.  Because the house isn’t yours, because you weren’t invested, you can walk away with zero loss.  On the surface this sounds like the best deal.  But contrasted against ownership, it really isn’t.
 
When you own a home you get to invest in it.  Yes you become responsible for all the imperfections and things that need repair, but everything else is yours too.  Will you put money into it? Absolutely.  In addition to money will it cost you time, sweat and hard work?  Most definitely.  But it’s yours.  You get to make it YOUR home.  You can decorate and make it yours.  There is also the potential for amazing return.  If you stay committed, put resources into it and invest in it, eventually it pays off (whether you sell it or pay it off and stay in it forever).  Obviously I’m not saying you can sell Christianity, but the investment/return principle correlates (I’ll address that in a bit).

Many people treat Christianity this way.  They go through life simply “renting” the title Christian.  They may throw resources at it; they give up Sunday mornings for church, maybe they tithe, maybe they even serve on Sunday mornings, but they never really invest in it.  They never own what it means to follow Christ.  They maintain a contractual mindset in which they have come to believe that as long as they continue to pay what is “owed” they’ll always have a place to live.  In essence they believe that as long as I believe in Jesus, go to church and pay tithe then I’m a Christian and I get to go to heaven.  While that may be true, they never get to experience the fullness of life, here on earth, that Jesus promises.  In John 10:10 Jesus said, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”  If we “rent” Christianity, the time will come when you become frustrated, disagree with the pastor, no longer agree with the commitment required, or you find something better and you just walk away, because you have nothing really invested and have no obligation to it.

In choosing to follow Christ we have the opportunity to invest our whole self in something amazing that has an immeasurable rate of return…the lost found.  Is it messy? For sure.  Do you run the risk of being hurt? Yeah.  But anything worthy of pursuit with that rate of return brings the potential for great personal loss.  Besides, “what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?” (Mark 8:36) 

Fullness of life isn’t meant solely for heaven, it’s meant for and can be experienced now.  But it requires that you fully and completely submit to and follow Christ.  And that…you just have to own.