Friday, March 4, 2011

It Was Always Her!

Originally this blog was meant to chronicle what God was doing in me as He walked me in a New Direction for my life. Eventually it morphed into what God was teaching me largely related to ministry & leadership. Today I’m moving back toward what God is doing in my life.

Today…I write about HER!!!!

She is an amazing soul. First and foremost, she loves God; she has a deeply intimate relationship with Jesus and her anointing by the Holy Spirit is readily apparent. Her heart for people is incredible; she extends grace the way that God gives it to her. She is creatively brilliant; she writes (if you want a peek into her psyche check out her blog Daily Offensive…she signs her posts with a heart), she makes jewelry, she’s a photographer, and has an amazing eye for art (I’m pretty sure her brain operates in art mode most times). She has the best sense of humor (she gets my sense of humor so that may not be saying much), a laugh that’s SO infectious, the best Eeeeee!!! ever, and she’s an amazing mom. She is also absolutely gorgeous; she has THE most captivating eyes I’ve ever set mine on and that smile…oh that smile, it melts me every time.
 
Most call her Sarah, a few call her Sarahface, one handsome little boy calls her mama, but I…I call her My Love.
 
When I was involuntarily thrust back into singleness (about 2 ½ years ago) I sat down and made a list. This list was the collection of needs and wants I would hope for in the next woman that God brought into my life. Once compiled, I set it aside and surrendered to the workings of God in my life. He quickly made clear that what I needed and wanted in a wife was second to what He needed and wanted in my life and what would be expected of me as a husband and father
 
Over the next two years God transformed everything, from the way I lived my life, what I believed and the way my heart and mind work. (I won’t go too deep into what God has done, but if you’re curious, here are a couple blogs that review the two years – Year OneYear Two.) So that list lay dormant for two years while God worked me over. During that time I met this sparkly eyed woman that had just accepted a position as the Executive Assistant at Element Church. I met My Love in early June 2010. At that time God was in the middle of a particularly rough working over of my heart, so I met Sarah and thought nothing more of her than a new co-worker.
 
As the months progressed, so did our friendship. I started to realize the amount we had in common was not only ridiculous, but almost unreal. Round about September I had finally surrendered to God on some ministry decisions I had been struggling with (i.e. resisting God’s call to). Almost the minute I surrendered that stuff to God I was hit with this overwhelming NEED (not want…that was there too, but this was definitely a need) to be with Sarah. I needed to be in her life, to serve her and love her. At the time I actually prayed against those feelings. I didn’t want to be disappointed and didn't want to step out before it was full of God. Eventually I surrendered those feelings to God and embraced them quietly because it wasn’t time yet. So, nothing was ever said. We never discussed it, I never shared it. Our friendship sat as it was and would continue to grow.
 
Then in mid-October I had the honor of escorting a friend to his final resting place in Pennsylvania. For months prior to his passing I would sit in his hospital room and watch as his wife just sat there. Helpless, scared and frustrated she just sat there. To me, her willingness to just sit with him, as he lay dying, was the greatest display of love I’d ever seen. Her willingness to just sit with the one she loved, just so that he knew she loved him, pierced my heart. It was then, in a hospital room in Denver, that my need to be with Sarah turned into the realization that I would sit there for her. All of the sudden I knew that I loved her, that I would just sit and BE there for her and that I wouldn’t want anyone but her sitting at my bedside. I knew then that I was going to marry her. But alas, it still wasn’t time. Nothing was said and our friendship would remain just that for another couple months.
 
By the end of December I couldn’t not be with her anymore, so my friend Sarah became My Love. So where are we now? We’re ENGAGED! I know what you’re thinking, “What? You haven’t even dated THAT long!” Ultimately the time doesn’t matter. If I hadn’t sought God on this over and over, this post wouldn’t even have been typed. But I have and it’s right for us. She’s my best friend. We’ve built an amazing relationship as friends first, we’re cut from the same cloth and I love her more than I can ever promise her. And what of my list…in Sarah, God has fulfilled every need and want that I voiced on my list, every one that went unspoken for fear that I was expecting too much and every one that I didn’t think or know to ask for.

Both Sarah and I know that marriage isn’t all rainbows and unicorns. We’ve both been there and fully realize the work it requires. We also know the power of Christ in us and in our relationship. Our success in marriage fully rests in our submission to Him first, then each other and in that…we’re gonna make it Till the End! (Plug for Pastor Adam - BlogAlbum. FTR, he’s been amazing accountability for me through this.)
 
So Blessed,
Bruce