If you read my blogs on obedience (Part 1 HERE & Part 2 HERE), then you know that I recently faced, what I thought was, a pretty bleak financial situation. By human standards, there was absolutely nothing I could do to correct it, I thought it was absolutely hopeless. Initially, I only looked at it by human standards, although I did try to put a God spin on it that helped me reason in a completely messed up an illogical way that God was letting me skip out on my tithe. But there in lies the problem...I thought it was hopeless.
Hopeless??? With everything that has happened over the past 8 months, hope has been in short supply. But, recently I have depended heavily on a hope that I never did before. I've written blogs about obedience, faith, and trust (all to our Lord, of course). I began to really develop this deep hope that I would experience God in absolutely every aspect of my life. I've even repeatedly asked God for that . Funny thing is, one of the only parts of my life that I NEVER wanted or planned to let God into was my finances. With that said, not that I am an idiot when it comes to knowing the right thing to do with my finances, but I was never very active in trying to maintain healthy finances.
Anyway, rather illogically, I had always believed I could manage my finances better than God. I never tested him like Malachi 3:10 says to and I never planned to, until back in February. For the record, I can't manage my finances better than God. That concept ended in failure back in November, only a couple months after my wife left. So, I have been writing all this stuff about obedience and praying to experience God in every part of my life, then when I'm given the perfect opportunity to have both, I almost blew it.
God knows that I had never experienced faith and trust in him with my finances and also knows that I so badly want to be obedient. God gave me the opportunity at the beginning of the month to trust, test and be obedient to Him by giving my tithe. At a time when it seemed impossible to pay this unexpected (rather large) bill and provide for my son's birthday, He asked me to continue to be obedient and trust Him and I couldn't see it.
Luckily He put people in my life that love me enough to hold me accountable and people in my life (some that have known me a little longer than others) that care about me enough to offer whatever help they could. Because of those people, God has made it more than clear that I'm very blessed. I feel that it is often more than I deserve, but somehow I'm that important to Him. Somehow, through all my failures and everything I've done, He loves me that much.
I WAS obedient to Him and He took care of EVERYTHING!!!! He provided a way to pay the unexpected bill and take care of Andrew's birthday (and there was some left over). I'm speechless. The coolest part is, it didn't matter to Him that I thought about not being (and really had already decided not to be) obedient. He didn't withhold His blessing and favor, "to teach me a lesson" not to doubt Him. Instead, because I was obedient, He poured out His blessing and favor to prove His love and that His word STILL applies today. The other cool thing is He doesn't just love me that much or offer that blessing just to me. He does it for EVERY single one of us.
Whether you believe it or not (I didn't use to believe it), there was NO, and I mean NO, way that I should have had the money to pay that bill or get Andrew presents by Tuesday evening. But I gave my tithe on Monday morning and by Tuesday afternoon He took care of all of it. There is only one explanation: GOD!
Experiencing Christ,
Bruce
Showing posts with label obidience. Show all posts
Showing posts with label obidience. Show all posts
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Sunday, May 3, 2009
When You Dis' Obidience - Part 2
This wasn't intended to be a multi-post topic. I intended to talk about obedience in "When You Dis' Obedience" (HERE) only pertaining to me being obedient to God about forgiving my wife. Then this week turned out to be a little less then stellar. Honestly it was pretty decent until Friday. Without getting into it too much, Friday morning I found out some "stuff" about the impending divorce that caused some additional anxiety. So that was the start of it.
After that, I get a letter from some legal office telling me that my wife's previous vehicle (registered in both of our names) had some toll violations, from sometime in September, totalling out to $300.00. Now, I do fairly well financially, however with the recent additional cost for legal fees and what not, money has not been growing on trees. So I call the law office (I know my wife can't and won't pay them, so I have to) and they tell me, no payment plan, no settlement, and they want $300.00 or they're going to call it refusal to pay. That would allow them to go for wages garnishment and being that I'm in the military, that would go over so hot with my Commanding Officer.
Ironically, my normal tithe is $320.00. So my first thought and only solution (as I see it) is to skip tithe and pay the fine. Surely God would understand, right??? I called the Toll Enforcement Authority to try to work a payment plan and to my surprise they actually reduced the cost by $110.00 and gave me until May 8th. I looked at that and thought, "Surely God is blessing me so I can use my tithe to pay it and bonus, God still gets like $120.00." (Genius thinking, I know)
So, I wrestle all weekend with the tithe v. pay fine (oh and it's Andrew's birthday - doesn't help the money issue) thing. By the time I headed for church Sunday morning, I had pretty much decided to pay the fine and skip tithing. I had convinced myself that God had poured out His blessing, by the cost being reduced, and was allowing me to "skip out, just this once." Even though I had "convinced" myself that God wanted me to pay the fine, I was still questioning if God would actually do that. As much as I don't want to admit it, I knew that God wasn't showing his favor with the fine being reduced to tell me it was ok to skip tithe, but it was my safe room.
Then I went to lunch with some friends (Thomas and Angy Hogan). Some how this whole thing came up and they were on me like a couple of spider monkeys (well Angy was anyway). Of course they went for the throat with Malachi 3:10, which says, "10 Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it." How in the heck do you argue that? Like I said, I already knew what the right thing was, but I had retreated into my safe room.
So this got me thinking about obedience again. I've already said that obedience is about faith. In Part 1, I wrote:
So, lunch with good friends is what God used to show me that I wasn't being obedient or faithful and to get me back on track. Friends that will keep you accountable are not always easy to come by, but they are so essential for growth in your walk with Christ. Without them, you are left to your own devices and you will always be able to make what you're doing, justified in your own mind. This obedience thing is WAY harder than it sounds. But it wouldn't help develop character if it wasn't.
Back on Track,
After that, I get a letter from some legal office telling me that my wife's previous vehicle (registered in both of our names) had some toll violations, from sometime in September, totalling out to $300.00. Now, I do fairly well financially, however with the recent additional cost for legal fees and what not, money has not been growing on trees. So I call the law office (I know my wife can't and won't pay them, so I have to) and they tell me, no payment plan, no settlement, and they want $300.00 or they're going to call it refusal to pay. That would allow them to go for wages garnishment and being that I'm in the military, that would go over so hot with my Commanding Officer.
Ironically, my normal tithe is $320.00. So my first thought and only solution (as I see it) is to skip tithe and pay the fine. Surely God would understand, right??? I called the Toll Enforcement Authority to try to work a payment plan and to my surprise they actually reduced the cost by $110.00 and gave me until May 8th. I looked at that and thought, "Surely God is blessing me so I can use my tithe to pay it and bonus, God still gets like $120.00." (Genius thinking, I know)
So, I wrestle all weekend with the tithe v. pay fine (oh and it's Andrew's birthday - doesn't help the money issue) thing. By the time I headed for church Sunday morning, I had pretty much decided to pay the fine and skip tithing. I had convinced myself that God had poured out His blessing, by the cost being reduced, and was allowing me to "skip out, just this once." Even though I had "convinced" myself that God wanted me to pay the fine, I was still questioning if God would actually do that. As much as I don't want to admit it, I knew that God wasn't showing his favor with the fine being reduced to tell me it was ok to skip tithe, but it was my safe room.
Then I went to lunch with some friends (Thomas and Angy Hogan). Some how this whole thing came up and they were on me like a couple of spider monkeys (well Angy was anyway). Of course they went for the throat with Malachi 3:10, which says, "10 Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it." How in the heck do you argue that? Like I said, I already knew what the right thing was, but I had retreated into my safe room.
So this got me thinking about obedience again. I've already said that obedience is about faith. In Part 1, I wrote:
What it comes down to is this, God can't fully bless us if we're not obedient. He may bless us, but in order to receive the fullness of His blessings, we have to be willing to not question and be obedient to what He asks of us.
As long as we hold on to any unwillingness to be obedient, whether it's giving forgiveness or whatever it might be, we are only robbing ourselves of God's goodness and blessings...It is easy to obey the things we like, but the real test of our faith in and love for our Lord is our obedience to the hard stuff He asks us to do.
I just stinking wrote that a week ago. I keep forgetting that God has a way of actually testing our faith in the stuff we actually say. I put that out there and I truly believe it, but saying it is ALWAYS easier than DOING it. As far as Part 1 goes I was mainly talking about forgiveness. That in itself, while more emotionally difficult, can be acted upon primarily with simply saying it. There is some action involved, but a large portion of it is just making the choice to do it, then reinforcing it by saying it. This latest challenge is tangible. If I tithe, I don't have enough to pay the fine. If I don't pay the fine, I could get in trouble. I didn't want to have to explain to my son why he doesn't have birthday presents on Tuesday. This is something that would be difficult in a lot of tangible areas right now.
Essentially, with the decision I had made, I was telling God, "I don't trust that you'll take care of things. I have the money right now, so I'm gonna use it." I've been reading and writing about obedience for the last few weeks and when an opportunity comes to actually put it into action, I almost bit it. Obedience is the way we show our love and faith in our God. Our God is bigger that a $300.00 fine. He's bigger than a two day deadline for birthday presents. But I almost missed out on an opportunity to actually show just how much I trust Him, like I've been writing I do.
So, lunch with good friends is what God used to show me that I wasn't being obedient or faithful and to get me back on track. Friends that will keep you accountable are not always easy to come by, but they are so essential for growth in your walk with Christ. Without them, you are left to your own devices and you will always be able to make what you're doing, justified in your own mind. This obedience thing is WAY harder than it sounds. But it wouldn't help develop character if it wasn't.
Back on Track,
Bruce
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
When You Dis' Obedience - Part 1
Recently God has really put it on my heart to really forgive my wife (well, unfortunately soon to be ex-wife). Not to just say it and be nice to her, but really forgive her. I'm talking real forgiveness, the kind that includes being able to wish them well.
I won't lie, I'm totally not ready for that and I've really been trying to interpret what God is telling me in a different way that doesn't involve asking him to bless her. I'm still angry and I still feel like she doesn't deserve it. With that said, I have been routinely telling God that I not ready and that I needed to postpone that for a bit, until I am. Like I can actually pick and choose what and when I listen to our Almighty God.
Now to back up a little, I'm in the middle of the book of Numbers for my devotional time. Not only is it a super boring read, nothing super significant has stuck out to me (except Numbers 11, blog HERE ). I mentioned before the last time I read it I really didn't understand how the number of Israelites was significant to me, but reading it this time around has changed my perspective on it completely. It isn't just a book of "numbers", it's completely about obedience. God tells the Israelites to do all sorts of stuff, sometimes weird stuff if you ask me. When they obey...instant blessings heaped on them (mind you, this doesn't happen often. Most of the time they're whining). When they don't obey, people die (and I mean a LOT).
So God has been after my heart to really start forgiving her and praying blessings on her. Needless to say I DON'T want her blessed, so I decided not to pray it. Then on Sunday night, I was writing in my journal about this being my biggest struggle and was just about to write something about understanding that God wouldn't ask me to pray blessings on her if it wasn't important. I continued writing, "I don't know why He wants me to wish her well, but really knowing why isn't important. I know he just needs me to...obey."
There it was, I got it. I hesitated writing the word obey at first and all I could hear was God saying, "Go ahead Bruce, write it, write - Obey". So I wrote it. Then I knelt beside my bed and prayed for Dana. I ended my prayer by asking God to help her know He is still there for her and to bless her.
What it comes down to is this, God can't fully bless us if we're not obedient. He may bless us, but in order to receive the fullness of His blessings, we have to be willing to not question and be obedient to what He asks of us.
As long as we hold on to any unwillingness to be obedient, whether it's giving forgiveness or whatever it might be, we are only robbing ourselves of God's goodness and blessings. God will always be there to help through whatever He asks us to do, but WE still need to make the choice to be obedient. It is easy to obey the things we like, but the real test of our faith in and love for our Lord is our obedience to the hard stuff He asks us to do.
We often expect unquestioned obedience from our kids, but when our Father asks us for the same obedience, we offer the same excuses our children offer us. Then we get mad when they don't obey. Our God is way more understanding then that. I want to offer my Father the same obedience I expect from my boys.
I won't lie, I'm totally not ready for that and I've really been trying to interpret what God is telling me in a different way that doesn't involve asking him to bless her. I'm still angry and I still feel like she doesn't deserve it. With that said, I have been routinely telling God that I not ready and that I needed to postpone that for a bit, until I am. Like I can actually pick and choose what and when I listen to our Almighty God.
Now to back up a little, I'm in the middle of the book of Numbers for my devotional time. Not only is it a super boring read, nothing super significant has stuck out to me (except Numbers 11, blog HERE ). I mentioned before the last time I read it I really didn't understand how the number of Israelites was significant to me, but reading it this time around has changed my perspective on it completely. It isn't just a book of "numbers", it's completely about obedience. God tells the Israelites to do all sorts of stuff, sometimes weird stuff if you ask me. When they obey...instant blessings heaped on them (mind you, this doesn't happen often. Most of the time they're whining). When they don't obey, people die (and I mean a LOT).
So God has been after my heart to really start forgiving her and praying blessings on her. Needless to say I DON'T want her blessed, so I decided not to pray it. Then on Sunday night, I was writing in my journal about this being my biggest struggle and was just about to write something about understanding that God wouldn't ask me to pray blessings on her if it wasn't important. I continued writing, "I don't know why He wants me to wish her well, but really knowing why isn't important. I know he just needs me to...obey."
There it was, I got it. I hesitated writing the word obey at first and all I could hear was God saying, "Go ahead Bruce, write it, write - Obey". So I wrote it. Then I knelt beside my bed and prayed for Dana. I ended my prayer by asking God to help her know He is still there for her and to bless her.
What it comes down to is this, God can't fully bless us if we're not obedient. He may bless us, but in order to receive the fullness of His blessings, we have to be willing to not question and be obedient to what He asks of us.
As long as we hold on to any unwillingness to be obedient, whether it's giving forgiveness or whatever it might be, we are only robbing ourselves of God's goodness and blessings. God will always be there to help through whatever He asks us to do, but WE still need to make the choice to be obedient. It is easy to obey the things we like, but the real test of our faith in and love for our Lord is our obedience to the hard stuff He asks us to do.
We often expect unquestioned obedience from our kids, but when our Father asks us for the same obedience, we offer the same excuses our children offer us. Then we get mad when they don't obey. Our God is way more understanding then that. I want to offer my Father the same obedience I expect from my boys.
Being Obedient,
Bruce
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